I have heard the phrase 'go for the akhirat, then witness the dunia comes to you by itself'. But there are some thoughts and questions naughtyly tingling inside my head. I should express it but none of the people here would understand. Among the people I know at least. Now, I do believe, racing for some posts is not a very good idea. But coming from a place where you were breed to lead, failing to secure a post and appointed to lead the society seems to me, one big dissapointment. Not only to myself but also to the 'people' who has been counting on me. I felt like I failed to do what I was meant to do. I think I should add too a bit of ashamed. I trully admit, I do feel at certain times, and situations, that I should always be on top. Then, I have also heard the idea 'do whatever suits you' and 'do whatever it is that makes you happy' (as long as it doesn't go against the religion of course). You see, I am happy when I have become someone I was meant to be. I am happy when I can finally live up to the expectations of people. But like I said, I don't really prefer to go and race, compete for a position. I myself prefer to be appointed by people rather than fighting with someone to get it. This is paranoiaaaa.
Busy week it was. Took almost a week just to get this one up online.
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